 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
DEAR BO PEEP
Bo Peep is anxious to give you advice
on your everyday trials. Please feel free
to write Bo Peep
a letter.
Dear Bo Peep,
I recently started dating The Fork. Generally speaking, everything is great. He treats me well, has a great sense of humor, and he's gorgeous -- four big long prongs, real silver, and very shiny. And in the table department -- WHOA! -- can he dine or what?!?! Every course is better than the last. He's very sensitive to my needs, and my Goose, has he got stamina. Sometimes I think I'm completely full, but he just keeps going until I'm absolutely sated.
The problem is afterwards. I like to spoon.
How can I tell The Fork that I like to spoon after a meal? I think that I could settle down and make a place setting with this one so I really don't want to screw it up. Please advise me.
Desperately Dining,
The Knife
Dear Desperately,
My, my, my! Aren’t you in a quandary my little piece of cutlery? I’ve
heard before that The Fork really is an impressive eater. I remember when
he was dating The Napkin and she had to be hand washed after every meal,
but I digress…
Here’s my suggestion:
One night when you’re lying on the table in a post-dining embrace, simply
move yourself into a spooning position and gauge his response. If he
cooperates, go with it, and murmur how much you like it. If he’s really
that sensitive to your needs, he’ll get the hint and next time, you won’t
have to initiate it. If he resists, forget about it, and remember:
You may like to spoon, but there’s nothing like a good fork!
Best of luck,
Bo Peep
Dear Bo Peep,
I work on a farm that is owned by this old man, and on this farm he has some cows. These cows do nothing but moo. There’s a moo-moo everywhere. He also owns some ducks. Once again, there’s a quack-quack here and a quack-quack there. Not to mention the pigs—here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink-oink. I tried to be smart and suggested that he buy a dog to keep them all in line, but inspired by the cows, ducks, and pigs, even the dog insists on barking continuously. I’m at my wit’s end.
How do I make these goddamn animals shut the hell up?!?
Eventually Insane Employee In Oklahoma
Dear E. I. E. I. O.,
Try sheep. They tend to get lost.
Bo Peep